Values - our backbone

This blog is for anyone who is feeling a bit out of kilter and just not feeling quite right in themselves for some unknown reason. It explains how our values 'hold us up'

You can read this or head over to Facebook to hear my thoughts on a FB live session.

You know when you reflect and say: 'I'm lucky, I have my friends, my family, my health, a roof over my head and I'm not putting my life at risk by escaping a war zone, but you know, I still feel a bit meh.'

What's all that about then? Sometimes you can literally just be having an off day. But sometimes it goes a bit deeper than that and can be linked to your values.

Bizarrely you often discover what your deep seated values are when they are challenged.

What are values?

Values are principles and ideals that we hold strongly inside us and carry alongside every day often without noticing them. They come from a deep rooted place. Perhaps from childhood experiences showing and teaching us the value of money or family or being thrifty or helpful. Sometimes they are borne out of later life experiences such as those learnt on adventures or travel or undertaking hard physical challenges.

Here's a selection of values that you may recognise:

honesty

kindness

community

loyalty

fairness

trust

tolerance

spirituality

patience

usefulness

Bizarrely you often find out what your deep seated vales are when they are challenged, for example:

Think of memorable incidents which made you very angry. The chances are that your anger arose from some violation of a value you hold. For example, if you were very angry because the bar staff served someone before you, even though you were there first, you might feel that your anger arose because you value justice (first come, first served) but you may also feel there was a violation of your values around treating people equally.

Think of things that make you sad. Could be a film, a book or any story - or it could be episodes from real life. Sadness is another indicator that one of your values is being challenged.

To be honest we carry on our lives holding our values within us and probably don't notice them on a normal every day to day level. But they are like a strong backbone within us and if they are compromised, challenged or are not being met then the chances are you will know.

Recently I observed two people who had (in my view) had their values compromised and they weren't being met.

One was a teacher (during school lockdown) who was enjoying the time she had to explore the local area without feeling guilty. However there was a yearning to get back to her job and to do the thing that mattered to her; empower and teach young people. That was not being met and so she felt very 'offline' as she put it.

The second person was happily working from home, the family was all safe and well and more importantly in the house altogether for once for an extended period of time. However what was missing was the value of being social and personable and engaging with others. This happened at work where there was a very social and jocular atmosphere.

If you are interested in going a bit deeper into your values, examining them and where they stemmed from and finding out how they are being met, then do get in touch!

t 07501817739

e nicolashelleycoach@gmail.com

#coaching #nlp #values #corevalues #wellbeing