How many songs can you think of which have a similar line?
You make me feel…
like a natural woman
so very happy
There are so many powerful and beautiful films, books, songs and poems out there about love and feelings. Isn’t it wonderful when somebody makes you feel, young, special, beautiful. Wrapped up in love is a truly wonderful feeling! But, how much of how you feel is directly affected by what the other person does or says? Can someone really make you feel something?
Well arguably – yes. It is possible to push someone’s buttons quite easily.
The reverse side of this is not quite so good. He makes me feel… so angry, inadequate, small, useless, ineffective…
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where another person’s behaviour has changed your good feelings about yourself into something less? A bullying boss or colleague or family member who makes an off-hand comment and then you find yourself feeling inadequate?
How can we maintain our own (good) feelings and not be affected by the bad mood of someone else or their actions? Whilst, at the same time, showing consideration and respect for the other person?
What if you were to take ownership and control of your feelings when you meet this person instead of feeling that your happiness/unhappiness is directly as a result of what they say or do? What if you were to choose how you feel instead? So, if you have a good feeling of love and being wanted, you can keep that. A feeling of being useless or inadequate you can throw that one away because it isn’t what you want.
Three tips that may be useful:
Remember they are your feelings – not someone else’s and that you are in charge! Help yourself to those feelings you want!
If it’s a negative feeling you encounter (bullying colleague/boss etc…) mentally step away from it. Imagine yourself floating above the scene or seeing and hearing from a distance. It will literally give you perspective on it.
Develop a sense of neutral curiosity as to why a person may be behaving like that towards you. No need to judge them – just think about what is behind their behaviour.
This is not about pushing love aside! This is about taking responsibility for our own feelings.
If you are looking to find some strategies to deal with managing your own feelings, keeping hold of the good ones and throwing away the negative ones do get in touch!